Doors Wide Open

When the research lady booted her newly formatted system, she discovered that MS Office suite was replaced by Open Office . It didn't take long for for the discomfort with the new software to surface, "I don't like this weird Open Office thing."
I replied, "Exactly my point! We must have proper doors with locks!"

***
My Boss is banned from using the phrase "I take back my word."
Well, he's already done that and given us Open Office!

***
"We have to get that vendor to install the MS Door man!"
Hearing that made me stop in my tracks, and I enquired, "Is that a Microsoft spoof of Open Office?"

Happy Happy LOLs

Happy Singh just gives out an aura that attracts LOLs.

It was a Saturday and our dear Surd was trying to figure the right orientation to take a print on a letter head. After 2 unsuccessful prints he asked, "Yaar, towards which side should I keep the Logo?"
I replied, "Well, as I'm the one working on (Nitesh) Logos, it should be kept towards me!"

Being limited by not having Sketch Up Pro, Happy Singh asked the Computer Admin, "Yaar, tu mere system pe Pro kyun nahin daal raha?"
I reasoned, "Kyunki aap Pro nahin, Pra-ji ho!"

And today Happy Singh acknowledged my appreance with a "..and at the Party, PDT will be the star of the evening!"
I defended myself, "I never get so high that you... start seeing me amidst the stars!!"

Lunchtime LOLs

I have a Tantra T-shirt with exotic street food printed down the front. Amidst comments about me being a walking menu, and why prices were not mentioned, each of which I countered, Su had the last say: "To saaley tu kya T-shirt khayega?"
"I'm just a regular guy, not a gaaye!"
(Imagine background music: Moooooo)

***
Seated on the couch, Aloo Sr. asked YouC, "Macha, if you're going there, mere liye ek Puri lekar aa."
YouC looked down the container and replied with revered innocence, "Idhar to aadha hi bacha hai!"
I admonished, "Saaley! Puri mange the, tu aadhi de raha hai?"

***
Arriving at office on  a Saturday morning, I saw an addition to the Royal Enfield family in the parking lot.
Later when we went out for lunch, and I had made everyone suffer for having taken me along, I finally said in retrospect, "I probably shouldn't crack so many PJs. If someone finds a gun, there are enough Bullets at office."

Late Night LOLs

The ambient darkness, a stomach full of dinner, along with music of the 70's, created a very retro atmosphere in the office while we worked away on a futuristic competition. The playlist advanced to next song and Su and my Boss tried to guess if the music was by S D Burman or R D Burman. I had to look up who was Burman senior, and with the knowledge gained, I asked, "If SD's son is RD, would SD's grandson be called Micro SD?"

***
With more than a dozen freshers introducing themselves, phase 1 of the party alone had extended way past dinner time. Of the lot was an intern with a very unique spelling to a quite common name which he insisted upon to every person he introduced himself. So when on the hot seat, he said he was into athletics, I asked if he could run. He affirmed, and even demonstrated the same. Next came the blow: "Well, you spell your name as A-V-I-, right? Can you run on Windows Media Player?"

Boss-ically LOL

Having battled a multitude of options for a façade of a building, and finally taken the best to present before the Client, nothing made me happier than reading my Boss's sms announcing that an option had reached concurrence with the MD.
"Option C finalized. We did it!!"
"Goooggglllleeeee!!!" I answered.
"Please explain." came the befuddled reply.
"I'm loyal to Android. I couldn't say Yahoo!"

***
Visiting us during lunch, the Talkative Trainee was, umm... talking (duh!) about her interviews in Delhi. Being unable to talk, my Boss decided to put his jaws to other uses. "I'll get some salad to munch", he declared, getting up from the couch, only to return disappointed, "Bloody Hell man!! Rammy ate up all the carrots!"
"Couldn't you wear any jewelry?" I scoffed at the Trainee.
Certain that no one knew what was about to hit them, I continued-
"If you had, you would have been able to give him at least one out of the 22 carats!"

A Pitcher of PJs

Convincing one colleague at a time, I gathered a party of 5 to head to the CnT Canteen. Soon, the Communist Lady was joined by her husband, and they bantered about the upcoming release, The Life of Pi.
"... I've seen the trailer, that movie has no content!"
"Shut up, Vikki, I've read the book, it's full of content."
I interrupted the loving couple, "Are you referring to the Table of Contents?"

Seeing the discussion turn to movies, my boss said "I need to fill my mug!", and poured himself more froth than beer in excitement. I taunted, "Wo peene ke liye hai ya kapde bhigone ke liye!"

Looking anywhere but in my direction to ignore me, my Architect Boss exclaimed on the interiors of the pub: "These windows are all fake, man!" I piped up, "We could threaten them to give us free beer, else we'll report them to Microsoft."

The finale of the evening, that didn't happen, was Vikki excusing himself to use the loo. Had he done so, I would have called it, Vikki-leaks!

Finding Nirvana

My Boss and I were discussing
               the fate of the façade of my building.
Su had heard some Nirvana music
               which he was having trouble finding.
My Boss tried to introduce bands and grooves, and align mullions to
               make the building impress any guest.
Su drummed his desk and my Bong Friend ambled over
               to aid in his quest.
My Boss said, "Okay, try this."
Su said, "No, what Band is this?"
I said, "It might be a groove instead."
My Bong Friend did a facepalm smacking his head.
I had called Nirvana a "groove-y kind of music".
Even in his grave, that made Kurt Cobain very very sick.

Happy Happy Mornings

There's a fine line between intellectualism and boredom, more than often one begetting the other.
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon while we awaited our lunch order that the discussion turned to redundancies in beauty. It's the exclusivity of beauty that entices us, and Happy Singh established, "Soch yaar, agar subah roz beach par hoti..."
I cut him mid sentence, "To reception pe humare calls kaun attend karti?"

(For the uninitiated, Rose (wo)mans the Reception desk at my office.)

Don't shoot the Tiger

Intrigued by the tiger scene in the trailer of The Life of Pi, the Head of Research stopped by my Bong Friend's desk to watch in awe a book that they'd both read, being made a movie.
After reminiscing many a part, she finally voiced what had been getting the better part of her curiosity: "I wonder how they shot those animals..."
Spotting an entrée, I charged, "Didn't you read the disclaimer? No animals were harmed or injured..."

Parenting Details

A new architect at office piqued interest in the door details I was discussing with a trainee. As I completed my monologue, she asked, "Could you tell me about toilet details? If I'm using different tiles, how do I go about hatching them?"
I answered like an experienced architect, "you just have to meticulously sit on the task at hand", and added, "or, you could ask a hen to do it."

The Saucerer

The Pump Room was underground. He had sloped the floor to an edge. He had provided a Saucer Drain at the end that would collect the water. And then he did a facepalm. "How on Earth (in the Pump Room) will the water get out?"
I tried to help my Bong Friend out, but he cut me off: "If it's that cup and saucer thing you messaged about, I don't wanna hear it."
I said, "No, this one's better."
"Okay, tell."
"You can make it into a Flying Saucer!"

Oops! I Sunk it!

My Bong friend had the epiphany that in his ongoing Project he would not be able to lower the Electrical and Store rooms from their present level without incurring considerable re-concreting. Having explained the entire situation to Su, he summarized, "So you see, I can't sink these two rooms."
Su drew in a breath but before his reply came, I interjected, "Well, you could always flood the two rooms...(and they would... sink)."

Graduation Gusto

Making small talk with her, I was just trying to make the new joinee feel at home. Later, when the veteran of the Research Team arrived, I announced, "Did you know she passed out in 2004?"
Having expected a wisecrack from me, which didn't come, she replied, exasperated, "I know!!! She's from my College. She's just a year junior to me."
I replied, "That's okay, but I'm still wondering... after 2004, when exactly did she regain consciousness?"

Lift Please!

It's not unusual for my Boss to get stranded in office with no favourable means of transport at his disposal. One such evening, utilizing the (extra) time available, prolonged discussions ensued with many a studio-mate. Thus satisfied, he announced, "Anybody going home now? I need a lift."
"Why don't you give him one?" I asked my Bong friend, who epitomizes the use of public transport. "You're the one working on that project for Otis." 

Triple Truffle

"Macha! How can this Juice counter be so long? You can have The Last Supper on this", mocked Su while discussing the interiors of the hotel project. "The layout will obviously have to change", I replied thoughtfully, "Who would serve supper at the Juice bar?"

Su persisted, "See, the idea of having a bar is that people get too drunk to go home, and check into a room at the hotel."
"Your plan is good, but it can't get a sanction." I announced. When I had everyone's attention, I continued "The Airport Authority won't let you get so high!"

Kid Rock's Devil Without A Cause marked the end of the discussion, which then turned to our senior engineer liking metal music. To the trainee who questioned that in disbelief, I replied, pointing over her shoulder, "Oh yeah, he's as big a metal fan as that!"
And smiling back from the wall behind, making her lock of hair sway in its breeze, was an innocent, wall mounted, Metal Fan!

Fruity Architects

"When Architect Kerry Hill was a fresher at college, architecture mein unka haath paka nai tha, what was he called?" I asked Su, my project senior and devoted fan of the architect who designed the ITC Shonar among other projects.
When he gave in, I replied: "Kachhi Kerry!!!"

The Missing Part

A colleague at office had to take an emergency medical leave when his Doctors recommended an immediate appendectomy. Reminiscing the good old days, and lamenting on his absence with others during lunch one afternoon I added, "If he's to ever write an autobiography, it would have an Index, but no Appendix!"

Lolday Tuesday

Within five minutes of my reaching office, the second time Nu repeated "Good morning sir, we haven't received your quote" over the phone,  I couldn't help saying, "Maybe it's with the dry cleaners!"

An hour later, in the project meeting, my boss announced "aesthetics k liye mujhe iPad pe baithna hoga."
I exclaimed, "tab to wo aur chapta ho jayega."
Brandishing his pen like a dagger, he said, "tu joke maarne se pehle haath table pe aise rakhke bolega" and he put his palm on the table in the classic Knife Game style.
"Kyun, ye Gita hai kya?" I mocked.
"Tere liye ab yehi Gita hai."
"But ye to Sukrita hai!!!"
(who, incidentally, is our Client)

Dear Consultant, with Love

Here are some mails you may (not) write to your beloved Consultants when you're an Architect:

Dear Structural Consultant,
In the attached excel sheet, kindly fill the column for revised dates with something more concrete.

Dear Plumbing Consultant,
Kindly suggest if flushing the wall to the beam would resolve the discrepancies in the other deliverables that are in the pipeline.

Dear Electrical Consultant,
Why were the earthing pits removed? The Clients received a shock when they opened the drawing.

Dear Fire Protection Consultant,
We are unable to burn your drawings onto a CD.

Dear A/C Consultant,
Kindly send the exact cooling load so that we can freeze the current scheme.

Dear Landscape Consultant,
We confirm to have received the flower sample on 14 February 2012. But the BOQ had mentioned Crotons.

Dear Lighting Consultant,
We have been in the dark so far. Now that you are on board, please could you throw some light on the project?

Regards
:P

Extra Innings by AlmostLOL

An enquiry into the poor performance of the Indian Cricket team in the last series revealed that our players were severely distracted by the nuisance caused by mosquitoes.
They had no option but to get All Out.
***

Q: In the 2nd innings of the Match, how did the Architects team equal the score set in the first innings?
A: By using MatchProperties.
***