Parleying with Papa

Meet Papa. He's the planner from California, who is in a polygamous relationship with bikes. He's old and takes care of all us MUD students.

Papa's attic bachelor pad is on Gross Street, where he baked cookies for us, and arrived at the Pot-luck by bus! When asked about his changed mode of transport, he said "I stepped out of my house with my bike but seeing all the snow and rain and mud made me feel "Gosh! It's so gross!""
Surprised, I said, "Duh! What else did you expect? You live on Gross!"

After a few drinks, Papa lay reclined on floor and announced the he was having a déjà vu. "I've been here before. I remember all you guys sitting here, James near that corner -"
I cut him off - "It's not déjà vu. You're just drunk and thinking about James Corner."*

* * *
Papa tried to engage us in a philosophical discussion: "How many blocks should we keep in our site? What about the river - do you think that is a block as well?"
I thought it over, and replied, "Well, if it gets very cold, the river will be a block... of ice!"

* * *
One day he was very frustrated and yelled out, "This is going nowhere! I can't design without a problem statement - I need the Client's brief."
To that I said, "You are the nudist, what do you want the poor client's brief for?"

*For the uninitiated: James Corner is a brilliant landscape architect with a vocabulary so brilliant that I'd rather count leaves in his trees than read his books.

Lives and LOLs of Architecture

Two new Landscape Architects at the office became inseparable friends. While others gave it many adjectives, I preferred to call their friendship deep rooted.
***

My Studio Head was conspicuously missing from his desk, so I walked up to Sreeni and asked, "Do you have any idea where Suraj might be right now?"
"No da macha, how would I know?" I got the reply.
"But I thought you were the one studying the Sun Path!"
***

It wasn't limited to facebook alone,  even lunch time conversations were about the power cuts in India. As I understood, the Northern Grid had failed, and was borrowing power from the Eastern Grid. When that too failed, the Minister for Power was dismissed. Positive that I had not grasped something, I enquired, "So they sacked the Minister because he was not designing as per grids?"
***

Walking out from the workshop all charged philosophically and architecturally, those who didn't head off to play cricket engaged in stimulating debates. When someone asked my opnion on "To be or not to be" I replied, "I want to finish this sketch, I'll take a 6B, thanks."

Funny Homophony

My two brilliant singer friends were exchanging phone numbers. Alakay had just got back his phone from the shop, having dropped it in water, losing good data.
"Okay, message me on Whatsapp." Joe sang.
"Give it a minute for the contact to sync." Alakay harmonized.
I couldn't resist: "But hadn't your entire phone... like...sank?"

***
Working on a competition well past midnight, my Boss called me for a discussion with the offer "Bina joke maare idhar baitha reh, to tujhe puppy doonga."
Once it was over, I was grinning ear to ear, "Okay, I want a Dalmatian."

***
In a meeting discussing rooftop photovoltiacs, my Client learnt of their price and reacted, "I don't understand after so many years why are these Solar Systems so expensive!".
I so wanted to reply, "Yeah, a Sun and its Planets, not to forget their Moons, don't really come cheap."

Doors Wide Open

When the research lady booted her newly formatted system, she discovered that MS Office suite was replaced by Open Office . It didn't take long for for the discomfort with the new software to surface, "I don't like this weird Open Office thing."
I replied, "Exactly my point! We must have proper doors with locks!"

***
My Boss is banned from using the phrase "I take back my word."
Well, he's already done that and given us Open Office!

***
"We have to get that vendor to install the MS Door man!"
Hearing that made me stop in my tracks, and I enquired, "Is that a Microsoft spoof of Open Office?"

Happy Happy LOLs

Happy Singh just gives out an aura that attracts LOLs.

It was a Saturday and our dear Surd was trying to figure the right orientation to take a print on a letter head. After 2 unsuccessful prints he asked, "Yaar, towards which side should I keep the Logo?"
I replied, "Well, as I'm the one working on (Nitesh) Logos, it should be kept towards me!"

Being limited by not having Sketch Up Pro, Happy Singh asked the Computer Admin, "Yaar, tu mere system pe Pro kyun nahin daal raha?"
I reasoned, "Kyunki aap Pro nahin, Pra-ji ho!"

And today Happy Singh acknowledged my appreance with a "..and at the Party, PDT will be the star of the evening!"
I defended myself, "I never get so high that you... start seeing me amidst the stars!!"

Lunchtime LOLs

I have a Tantra T-shirt with exotic street food printed down the front. Amidst comments about me being a walking menu, and why prices were not mentioned, each of which I countered, Su had the last say: "To saaley tu kya T-shirt khayega?"
"I'm just a regular guy, not a gaaye!"
(Imagine background music: Moooooo)

***
Seated on the couch, Aloo Sr. asked YouC, "Macha, if you're going there, mere liye ek Puri lekar aa."
YouC looked down the container and replied with revered innocence, "Idhar to aadha hi bacha hai!"
I admonished, "Saaley! Puri mange the, tu aadhi de raha hai?"

***
Arriving at office on  a Saturday morning, I saw an addition to the Royal Enfield family in the parking lot.
Later when we went out for lunch, and I had made everyone suffer for having taken me along, I finally said in retrospect, "I probably shouldn't crack so many PJs. If someone finds a gun, there are enough Bullets at office."

Hot Girls

My senior's fiancé walked in on a discussion about buying a telescope to watch the planets, and the topic turned to clothing! Someone said "I've always wanted to buy hot pants..."
I cut in, "Well, haven't you ever worn pants immediately after ironing them?"
Everyone too baffled to continue talking clothes, I continued from before, "Well, February 2nd to 23rd will have the best evening view of Mercury."
Flabbergasted, Miss Fiancé asked, "Why do you want Mercury?"
"Well, we gotta know what's more hot - the girl or the pants."

Late Night LOLs

The ambient darkness, a stomach full of dinner, along with music of the 70's, created a very retro atmosphere in the office while we worked away on a futuristic competition. The playlist advanced to next song and Su and my Boss tried to guess if the music was by S D Burman or R D Burman. I had to look up who was Burman senior, and with the knowledge gained, I asked, "If SD's son is RD, would SD's grandson be called Micro SD?"

***
With more than a dozen freshers introducing themselves, phase 1 of the party alone had extended way past dinner time. Of the lot was an intern with a very unique spelling to a quite common name which he insisted upon to every person he introduced himself. So when on the hot seat, he said he was into athletics, I asked if he could run. He affirmed, and even demonstrated the same. Next came the blow: "Well, you spell your name as A-V-I-, right? Can you run on Windows Media Player?"

Movie Mayhem

Awake long after the New Year party had played out, the gossip turned to the college day tales of a guest couple. As always, my interruptions caused blatant digressions in Miss K's narrative. She hushed me, gathered her thoughts and began again, "... to Kahaani kahan start hui thi?"
"Vidya Bagchi Kolkata aayi thi."

***
Being the only one left out not having seen the movie, Su# desperately looked for a theater near office still playing it. He asked someone during lunch, "Would The Hobbit still be running in Fun Cinemas?"
"No, I think he'll be halfway across to Erebor now."

***
Q: Why would the 6th movie in the Mission Impossible series star James Bond in it?
A: Coz it would be abbreviated to MI6.

Boss-ically LOL

Having battled a multitude of options for a façade of a building, and finally taken the best to present before the Client, nothing made me happier than reading my Boss's sms announcing that an option had reached concurrence with the MD.
"Option C finalized. We did it!!"
"Goooggglllleeeee!!!" I answered.
"Please explain." came the befuddled reply.
"I'm loyal to Android. I couldn't say Yahoo!"

***
Visiting us during lunch, the Talkative Trainee was, umm... talking (duh!) about her interviews in Delhi. Being unable to talk, my Boss decided to put his jaws to other uses. "I'll get some salad to munch", he declared, getting up from the couch, only to return disappointed, "Bloody Hell man!! Rammy ate up all the carrots!"
"Couldn't you wear any jewelry?" I scoffed at the Trainee.
Certain that no one knew what was about to hit them, I continued-
"If you had, you would have been able to give him at least one out of the 22 carats!"

A Pitcher of PJs

Convincing one colleague at a time, I gathered a party of 5 to head to the CnT Canteen. Soon, the Communist Lady was joined by her husband, and they bantered about the upcoming release, The Life of Pi.
"... I've seen the trailer, that movie has no content!"
"Shut up, Vikki, I've read the book, it's full of content."
I interrupted the loving couple, "Are you referring to the Table of Contents?"

Seeing the discussion turn to movies, my boss said "I need to fill my mug!", and poured himself more froth than beer in excitement. I taunted, "Wo peene ke liye hai ya kapde bhigone ke liye!"

Looking anywhere but in my direction to ignore me, my Architect Boss exclaimed on the interiors of the pub: "These windows are all fake, man!" I piped up, "We could threaten them to give us free beer, else we'll report them to Microsoft."

The finale of the evening, that didn't happen, was Vikki excusing himself to use the loo. Had he done so, I would have called it, Vikki-leaks!

Finding Nirvana

My Boss and I were discussing
               the fate of the façade of my building.
Su had heard some Nirvana music
               which he was having trouble finding.
My Boss tried to introduce bands and grooves, and align mullions to
               make the building impress any guest.
Su drummed his desk and my Bong Friend ambled over
               to aid in his quest.
My Boss said, "Okay, try this."
Su said, "No, what Band is this?"
I said, "It might be a groove instead."
My Bong Friend did a facepalm smacking his head.
I had called Nirvana a "groove-y kind of music".
Even in his grave, that made Kurt Cobain very very sick.

Happy Happy Mornings

There's a fine line between intellectualism and boredom, more than often one begetting the other.
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon while we awaited our lunch order that the discussion turned to redundancies in beauty. It's the exclusivity of beauty that entices us, and Happy Singh established, "Soch yaar, agar subah roz beach par hoti..."
I cut him mid sentence, "To reception pe humare calls kaun attend karti?"

(For the uninitiated, Rose (wo)mans the Reception desk at my office.)

Don't shoot the Tiger

Intrigued by the tiger scene in the trailer of The Life of Pi, the Head of Research stopped by my Bong Friend's desk to watch in awe a book that they'd both read, being made a movie.
After reminiscing many a part, she finally voiced what had been getting the better part of her curiosity: "I wonder how they shot those animals..."
Spotting an entrée, I charged, "Didn't you read the disclaimer? No animals were harmed or injured..."

Parenting Details

A new architect at office piqued interest in the door details I was discussing with a trainee. As I completed my monologue, she asked, "Could you tell me about toilet details? If I'm using different tiles, how do I go about hatching them?"
I answered like an experienced architect, "you just have to meticulously sit on the task at hand", and added, "or, you could ask a hen to do it."

Tète-à-tète with Happy Singh

Like me, you too may get lost in the numerous look-alike Sectors which make up the city of Chandigarh. Designed by a great Architect, it has also produced great Architects. When Happy Singh returned from his trip home, I asked him if he had met Tutu, an ex-employee practicing in the same City.
HS: "Arrey yaar! You know I tried his number so many times, but man, I just couldn't find him."
Me: "Hmm... maybe he was in a bad sector. File not found."
***

Walking past the printer, I narrowly missed running over a fresh print that had wandered away from the output tray. Recognizing the project, I took the sheet to Happy Singh, and asked, "Did you just shoot this print?"
"Arrey haan, thanks yaar!" came a relieved reply.
"Tabhi sochoon, ye itna mara hua kyun lag raha hai!"

Biddings of Horipodo Chatterjee

Over the gurgling sound of the flush in the detached toilet at my Bong friend's place, I realized that he was so tall, and his room was so small, he had to keep his Head (a)n(d) Shoulders in the loo.


On another occasion, he was sorting fresh prints which were due at Site later that afternoon. After what I assumed was the last print out of the plotter, he burst out, "What a waste of an A1 sheet! I gave a print for two copies, and the second one had to come out light."
I said, "That's good, right? You won't have to carry much!"

Musical Discord

//Musical knowledge mandatory
It was a moment of excitement unpacking and lifting the 25Kg Roland RD-700 out of the box. Checking all the accessories that came with the Keyboard, by brother exclaimed anxiously: "They didn't give a power cord?"
Spotting the soon-to-be-displaced Epiphone left handed guitar standing against the wall, I said, "Why don't you play a power chord instead?"

The Saucerer

The Pump Room was underground. He had sloped the floor to an edge. He had provided a Saucer Drain at the end that would collect the water. And then he did a facepalm. "How on Earth (in the Pump Room) will the water get out?"
I tried to help my Bong Friend out, but he cut me off: "If it's that cup and saucer thing you messaged about, I don't wanna hear it."
I said, "No, this one's better."
"Okay, tell."
"You can make it into a Flying Saucer!"

Oops! I Sunk it!

My Bong friend had the epiphany that in his ongoing Project he would not be able to lower the Electrical and Store rooms from their present level without incurring considerable re-concreting. Having explained the entire situation to Su, he summarized, "So you see, I can't sink these two rooms."
Su drew in a breath but before his reply came, I interjected, "Well, you could always flood the two rooms...(and they would... sink)."