Saturday, December 3, 2011

Facepalms in Hinglish

When I was asked if I could play football, I shrugged saying "I can run around, if that'd help."
Encouragingly my boss said, "Sab log yahan aise hi hain, you just keep running and kicking, and who knows man, tere se goal bhi shayad ho jaye!"
Puzzled at his comment I asked, "But... ball to pehle se hi gol hai na?"

* * *

In a serious discussion about being creative about work my colleague said there wasn't any free time to do so.
My boss replied, "You wont get to sit dreamily at the beach man! Ideas can come anytime."
I added "And, aap Studio ke beech to reh hi sakte hain..."

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Apples in the Sun

Another Studio head recently got an iPad and my boss had the honour of explaining everything to him. He told him how it can be great for drawing review, mails, he told him the Apps he must have, then how convenient it was to share files over Dropbox. The finale was about iCloud, when I looked up, asking: "But... would it work if the weather was sunny?"

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Officialoly

It was Friday evening and everyone was going somewhere. And the person with the biggest plans was working on her building layouts. Keenly I asked, "Were you planning to go out, or just plan-ing?"
***

The office switched to a healthy snacks system where fruits replaced the customary deep fried "junk foods". And bananas are very popular in this part of the country.
With me blocking the fruit bowl, a hungry soul asked me to pass her an Orange. Looking into the bowl I replied, "Sorry, they're over, can I interest you in a Yellow?"
***

Before leaving office, Nu interrupted my brainstorming session with Santu Sir with a "Mujhe aashirwaad dijiye."
Before he could answer I interjected with "You gonna be making rotis for dinner?"

Monday, October 31, 2011

Metalolica

"Where are you?" calls between friends jammed the network, rendering my Google Maps app non-functional. So I switched to the only other app that would help me reach the concert venue- Metal Detector.
* * *
With Ozzy, Led Zeppelin and Porcupine Tree being played in the background during the sound check, one would hear fragments of Metallica interspersed between the other numbers. Irritated, my friend asked "are they trying to make a Metallica remix?"
Thoughtfully I replied "Nay, an alloy perhaps."



Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Telephone knows!

My friend at office has taken a long leave as he's all set to tie the knot. Just as he was leaving I asked him how could I reach him to convey my regards. "Kyun?" he asked, "phone hai na!"
Still not convinced, I asked, "but won't it be engaged?"

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pencils from Heaven

Seated between two girls who were wearing flowing white dresses that day, my boss was adding some detail to their sketchup model. When he was done, I asked him with reverence, "You must be Lord Indra walking the Earth or you like stationery a lot! I always see you with Apsaras!"

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My Joke Dresses to Kill

Having finally come out after a day long meeting, my Bong friend looked at the office folk for the first time and observed "Why has everyone come to office wearing checks!?"
Straightening my own gray checked shirt I replied "That's coz today's pay day - I just got my cheque."

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Rodent Issues

I arrived at office one morning to find my colleague seated at another desk with a frown on his face. On asking he pouted, "A rat has gone and died somewhere near my desk da! I can't stand the smell!"
"Did you ask the Comp Admin for a new mouse?"

Sunday, October 2, 2011

PJs vs Pick-up lines

Having to come to office on a weekend, JLo was working on a software that I was once addicted to. After asking me her next doubt, she sheepishly added. "I must be pretty bad at this, right?"
I answered, "Well... you're pretty, but not bad!"

Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Tabulated LOL

I learnt that the desk missing from the Studio was actually being used by my boss who was working outdoors in the cool morning air. When he finally walked in, I asked him if his laptop was working fine, and he replied in the affirmative. Next I asked: "And MS Office?"
"Yes." (Taking my concern seriously)
"Especially MS Excel? Is that working too?"
"Haan re!!"
"Then why did you take the table outside?"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Boss on Wheels

Urgently wanting to discuss some options with the Boss, my senior sent me to call for him. I spotted him in the next studio, conveyed the message and got set to wait for him to come with me.
Stretching out on the sample ergonomic swivel chair he asked "Uthakar le jaane ko nai bola hai na?"
Noticing the casters, I replied "Uthane ka to pata nai, but I can roll you there on the chair".

Linguistically LOL

(Intro)
My Tam colleague recently bought a Honda bike.
And despite my oblivion to the South Indian Languages, Tamil and Malayalam remain distinct from each other.

(Episode)
JLo: "What man! How can you Tams pick up Mallu so well, but we struggle with Tamil!"
M-vel: "Actually Tams can twist their words into Malayalam. 8-)"
Me: "Suhash can speak Malayalam after buying his Twister?"

Monday, September 12, 2011

Another Jokathon

The earthing pits of my colleague's project were accidentally removed and the plans reached the Electrical Consultant.
He received the drawings with a shock.
* * *


I know someone who talks a lot when she's hyper. I think she's hyper-bolic.
* * *


While gossiping one of the girls said "At the Architecture meet we were all in saris and Sreeni was checking out the girls. Finally he managed to catch on to a Pink sari!"
I interrupted them asking, "Was there someone inside the sari as well?"
* * *


Why were there no layoffs in the Architectural firm during the recession?
Ans: All architects knew the 'layon' command.
* * *


"AAAaa!", exclaimed my colleague. "I didn't do anything, the computer hung by itself!"
Me: "You mean suicide?"
* * *

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Every Call Counts

Seated at the reception, Rose is our telephone link to the world outside office. And because of my jokes, I get the thorns from her-
In a finale to solving all my doubts, my boss summarized that I would have to discuss the issues with the Structural Consultant in detail, and either him or me would have to "make the final call".
I couldn't resist asking, "But the final call would be made by Rose, right"?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Bollywood Autodesk Suite

If someone were to play the new song from Aarakshan while you were working on AutoCAD, would you not think that the vocalist moaning out "...Zara Point pe Aao na" was desperately trying to snap her cursor to a point?
When I tried to convince my friend about the deeper meaning of the song, annoyed, she asked "Tum itne achhe gaane ka band kyun baja rahe ho?"
"Well, gaane mein mujhe music kam laga, isiliye extra band bajana pada".

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Jokathon to a GPL

Returning from a project site, I told my boss I was feeling hungry. "You can eat the apple", he offered.
Innocently I asked: "How? It's half bitten and made of aluminium."
***

How is Autodesk Revit similar to facebook?
Ans. You can tag everything!
***

"You seem busy!" Gangu remarked at JLo who was battling housing layouts for a new residential complex.
I replied: "She's having a row with her houses"
***

Diva wearing a blue striped shirt was catching up with JLo who was sorting out 120 blue prints!
I remarked: "Gosh! Are you wearing a blue print too?" Before she could get annoyed, pacifying her, I added, "Don't worry - your line weights are more than her's".
***

Having explained how the glazing would be at the toilets, my boss asked me, "So, is it clear?"
"No, it's frosted."
***

And that, dear readers, was the final act! :P

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Almost LOL's tips on Life

If your internet speed at home is slow, you can always munch something till the page loads - all in all, you will end up increasing the number of bytes per second!
***

If you are to work late into the night filling up an Excel sheet, to ensure you can last longer at the task, always use Dura-cell!
***

Sometimes, friends can be very inconsiderate about your deep felt emotions -
Chauhan: "I just looooooove nature."
Me: "Is that why you get so many calls?"

Thursday, July 7, 2011

A High Level PJ

At the Archi@Mumbai meet few days back, Thando was recounting his recent pilgrimage trip to the Himalayas -
Thando: "Yar, jahan gaye the wo 6,800m ki unchai par to hogi!"
Sivvam: "Wahan par saas lene mein dikkat nai hoti?"
Me: "Tirth yatra par log in-laws ko lekar to jate hi hain."
Thando: (Ignoring me) "Par daudne se Oxygen nai mil pata hai."
Me: "Kyun? Tum daude to Oxygen peeche reh gaya?"

Friday, June 17, 2011

Piano Chips

Keyboardists in my hostel have been similar in their eccentricities wherever they go - As you read, two of them are busy making Chips! Cherry, at Synopsys, Bangalore is using Silicon while SidsVash, at ITC, Pune is making them out of Potatoes!! Boingggg!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Drinks Anyone?

When the ETDS group met to bid farewell to the passing out batch, the smallest of the ex-governors said that she had booze in her room, which was received with great appreciation. While people made plans how to go about drinking, she also mentioned that she had some Gin. Amidst more plans on how to finish that, I inquired how feasible it would be, as wouldn't one first have to rub the contents out of it?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Road did it

While cycling back to campus from the station one Saturday afternoon, I found the road blocked for some re-tarring work going on. There were Road Rollers and all other necessary machinery.
I reached my wing, knocked on a door, and told the occupant: "I saw the most amazing thing so far in Kgp!"
"What?"
"The road was getting laid."

Monday, April 18, 2011

A Sequel to the Trilogy

DC to me: "Have you seen 'Across the Universe'?"
Me: "I can't see that far!"
Amit: "I didn't understand!"


* * *


In order to understand better what was taught in the Class of Architectural Conservation, we went to have lunch at Heritage A/C Restaurant.

* * *

At the Hall Farewell, Bhandari to me (bohot sento ke saath): "Praddy aap chale jaoge, mere se ek bite ice-cream to kha lo <puppy-dog-face>!!"
I took a bite, and asked: "So, how many Gb are you now left with?"

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Trilogy

What did the Umpire say over the walkie talkie when the batsman was out on the last ball of the over?
"Over and Out!"


* * *

A senior in the Hardware team in the Hall was explaining how too many dangling wires increase the chance of a short circuit.
I cut him short with the observation that the wires were too long already.


* * *

Two of my friends were arguing whether black chicks were hotter than white chicks.
They had nothing else to say when I pointed out that chicks were usually yellow.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Howzzat!!

It was the end-of-year Hall Music team treat where my humble suggestion earned me a GPL!
As per "tradition", the freshers in the team had to get drunk, and no amount of alcohol seemed to having any effect. Frustrated, someone (probably DC) exclaimed: "Sala ye log to out hi nai ho rahe!"
To which I offered: "Let's play cricket!"

Friday, April 8, 2011

One Moment Please

This is probably the earliest of my PJ's that I can remember.

We had just given our Mechanics Class Test. Cycling up the road, I spotted two of my fellow ETDS members walking just ahead. I promptly got off my cycle and began to tag along. Now how was I supposed to know that Kedia wated to ask Hardii out!!
Amidst some small talk, we reached the intersection, when Hardi asked me: "Umm... Praddy, could you please give us a moment?"

My reply was as innocent as: "Sure, but about which axis?"

...
Definitions were never the same again. Today, a Couple is that which asks for a Moment.

Introduction

Hello dear unfortunate reader. As this is the first post, I am keeping it simple. Hope you survive the ordeal that I shall put you through!!
:P